Where Do Your Emotions Land You?
Ever let your emotions get the best of you? Yep, me too. Have you ever become so angry inside that you couldn't control it and said things you wouldn't usually say? Yep, me too. Our emotions have a lasting impact on ourselves and the people to whom we direct them. Indeed, those emotions can lead to words and actions that we later regret. The adage "I wear my heart on my sleeve" may have originated from William Shakespeare's play "Othello." Let me tell you, that was my mantra for a while, but honestly, it is not a good one. Wearing my heart on my sleeve can be dangerous and tragic. Being transparent is good, but how far do we take it?
Having transparent emotions may mean acting out what we feel without thinking. Transparent emotions can mean allowing our feelings to dictate our lives, situations, and moods, revealing our maturity level and indicating that we trust ourselves more than we trust God to direct a situation. We may have learned our emotional responses from our parents or role models growing up and have never purposed to change our emotional habits. Learning how to manage or control our emotions may not be easy, but it is attainable with the 3 P's: Prayer, Purpose, and Practice.
How do we get a handle on it?
First, we must use "prayer and supplication" as stated in Philippians 4:6-8, since this is not something we must deal with alone. We can take it to Jesus in our complete vulnerability and ask Him to help us learn how to manage our feelings and respond appropriately in various situations. It also takes using the fruit of the Spirit to guide and lead us as we live out each day. For some of us, this is no easy feat and maybe a daily struggle until we put our practice into action – that is where the 'purpose' of changing our emotional responses comes in.
One rule of thumb in any situation involving anger is to step away from the moment and return later. You could tell the individual, "Hey, I'm not feeling good about this right now and need to step away." Then, a new mantra or repetition of 'step away and pray' can be your first favorable step in learning to control those unpleasant emotions that often get the better of you. I am one of those still learning. Not just with anger but sadness, frustration, fear, and anxiety – emotions that can be natural but damaging if not controlled healthily.
Emotional Intelligence
So, what is Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient (EQ)? According to HelpGuide.org, it is "the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges, and defuse conflict." Think about it – we can watch the news on any given day of people killing people because their emotions got the better of them. Whether drugs or demonic influence was involved or not, it took a person's emotions to trigger the tragic events at play. Love is one of the most beautiful and intense emotions to exist. Anger, bitterness, and jealousy are intense emotions that many of us struggle to understand, express, or manage effectively.
Love can drive people to do crazy things when it turns into jealousy. Let's face it: sometimes love hurts. I have heard it said that grief is love turned inside out. It truly takes purpose to learn how to manage our emotions. Purpose leads us to the proper education of emotional intelligence and to walk in the Spirit and not the flesh. Notice how the following scriptures come before identifying the fruit of the Spirit (scriptures above).
Dynamic Healing
So many of us walk around with emotional baggage with things from our past that were never resolved or dealt with, and now, we live day to day in those trapped feelings, not knowing how to manage them. If you are someone living with past hurts from abuse and dysfunctional family life, purpose in yourself to seek the help you need to live a more fulfilling life. If you're living with negative emotions and not learning how to manage your feelings because you believe you can handle them on your own, perhaps you should consider that this is a pride issue. Proverbs 16:18 tells us that "pride goes before destruction." Do not allow pride to destroy you or those around you. Seek help in learning how to deal with gross emotions; purposely find a way to understand and manage your feelings so that you can live a life of freedom and enjoy living.
Jesus wants us to have liberty - So if the Son sets you free, you are truly free (John 8:36 NLT). Emotional healing brings emotional stability. I have to learn how to handle my own emotions, and it's not easy, but I know that God wants us to learn how to be stable and walk by faith, not by what we feel. The Bible tells us in James 1:8: "A double minded man is unstable in all his ways". Wow, how powerful that verse is. I don't want to be double-minded, and I don't want to be unstable. It's time to put purpose into practice.
Practice Makes Perfect
How do we gain control over our emotions? How can we learn to respond to situations more effectively? Remember, we must pray first. It takes a lot of self-control and practice to walk away from situations involving anger, especially when it comes from within ourselves. How do we pull ourselves away, pray, and resolve messy situations later? With purpose, self-control, and letting God lead us into our day. Prayer should begin as soon as we wake up, so that God may order our steps (Psalm 119:133-136) and guide us through our day. This will help divert the enemy's attacks and the fiery darts he may throw at us during the day by putting on the whole armor of God.
With the Lord leading us, we decrease the odds of spiritual attacks and circumstances that may lead us to regret some emotional display. That is not to say that God won't allow us to confront situations, but rather to teach us how to grow in our emotional maturity and handle issues when they arise. Because He will, but praying before starting our day allows the Lord control over our lives and helps us to trust Him and not ourselves.
Seeking Help
Look, we all need help from time to time. There is no shame in that. A wise person will seek help when it is required. We first seek God and then wise counsel – that may be a Pastor, Psychologist, or Counselor. For me, it is mostly my Pastor, but there are many wonderful Christian people in my life whom I turn to for prayer and help. Thank Jesus that they have come into my life and can give sound advice when needed. I hope that whoever reads this will seek help if needed. Find a church, find a Pastor, and find your purpose in life to live daily for God, and watch what happens. When your life begins and ends with Jesus, nothing is impossible. Seeking Jesus daily for emotional support, growth, and stability is crucial to developing practical emotional coping skills. Seeking wise counsel from professionals and your Pastor is the beginning of pursuing to learn emotional intelligence.
We cannot do it alone, and we are not supposed to. Do not let pride get in the way of asking for help. I am 46 years old and have to learn how to handle my emotions even now, and with prayer and good counsel, I plan on conquering emotional issues for a better life and healthy relationships. I pray you will do the same. In Jesus' Name.
- For lack of guidance, a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisers. Proverbs 11:14
- Without counsel, plans go awry, but in the multitude of counselors they are established. Proverbs 15:22
- Plans are established by counsel; By wise counsel wage war. Proverbs 20:18
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